Three tips for all you surf-dudes (from Alice)

Driving home from music lessons the other evening, something triggered the need in Alice to share with us these three tips, just in case one finds oneself in a situation in which one has to deal with hungry great white sharks:



tip 1: Never swim after dawn
tip 2: Be aware when large schools of fish start swimming towards you
tip 3: When a great white shark wants to bite you, punch it very hard on the nose because then it doesn't know where it is any more. If that doesn't work, punch it in the gills because that's what they breathe with.

Tip 3, dude, tip 3!

These are the literal renderings of the tips. You might understand that some discussion ensued, which shed some light on the actual meaning of some the words she used.
tip 1: me: "After dawn, honey? That means you can't go swimming at all unless you want to swim in the dark."
Turns out she meant dusk: "No mum, I mean the other one where the sun goes down. Sharks go hunting when it gets dark."
tip 2: Apparently, when large schools of fish start swimming towards you, you have a 100% chance that a shark is close at hand. And upon encountering you, rather than the large schools of fish fleeing before him, chances are of course, he'll try a nibble of you. Obviously.

At least this guy gives you a fair chance!

tip 3: This turned out to be the best tip as far as Michele was concerned, as the sound-of impact-with-nose-of-white-shark turned deafening within three seconds. Alice felt the need to explain further: "Yeah, if you punch it on the nose it just as with us when we have a nose full of snot."


Perhaps I will stick with tip 1. Just to make sure.